Chapter 1 || A Silent Battle

In a few short weeks you’ll be able to say you made it through a deployment and two rounds of IVF. I knew you could do it. We all knew you could. 

You knew the silent battle would often get lonely, but you found peace in your struggle, as you always do. 

I know the destination was often difficult to see, but with a little bit of light you made it through to the next turn. And then the next. And then the next. Even when you fought to accept that your light wouldn’t shine further down the road, you kept walking.

You arrived. You showed up. You were there, fully present in your discomfort. It’s a daunting effort and always full of resistance, but you learned to use this to help guide you forward. You faced it with a bold heart, once again.

You tend to think, “If only I could just get the little things in order, then I’ll be able to deal with the big things.” But you were brave enough to confront the hard things first, and then the little things fell into place. 

There were plenty of times when you didn’t understand everything, but it mattered that you kept listening. When the sound of chaos became overpowering, you kept listening until the noise faded and all that was left was the sound of your own thoughts. The silence is always an uneasy space, but you knew that’s where you would find the whispering of answers.

You knew you’d grow stronger, and you knew your husband would do the same – but you feared you wouldn’t grow stronger together as a couple while he was away. Remember that what you feared the most became what you nourished to a full bloom. 

Always remember these times. 

Remember to never close your heart, for either good things or bad things. Keep it open for everything. Experience it all.

Remember that endings aren’t meant to be discovered. 

Remember to continue being the author of your own life, writing each moment with the deepest intent. Share your lowest moments as well as your highest. Someone out there may need to hear it.

And the journal – the one that you and your husband will one day give to your future child – it’s ok to keep writing in it. 

Love,
You