March 3, 2022

I never did a “Farewell Hawaii” post simply because I felt that there was just too much to say.

Believe it or not, me and Hawaii didn’t get along those first several months. In short, I lost everything I knew to be me. My career, my family, my friends, my hubby who took off for training soon after arriving. The transition had me scrambling hard.

I’ve never written this story out for others to read, because part of me still feels a ping of guilt about it. But I think the timing finally fits.

I believe the transition to Hawaii hit me hardest because I couldn’t find a nursing job. It sounds super silly when it’s written down on paper, but nursing was a huge part of my identity at the time.

Our move to Hawaii took place at the beginning of 2019. I started applying for positions in Cali a month or two before relocating. Got no bites. I continued to apply for positions when we got there. Nothin’. Three months passed. Nothin’. I kept thinking to myself, “There is a time and a place and a reason. Just be patient. Who knows, maybe you’ll land your dream job in an ICU somewhere.”

Four months passed. Then five. I had eventually reached a point where I couldn’t see a damn good reason in sight.

Those closest to me that I admire for their intuition and spirituality kept telling me, “Don’t lose your sense of direction. There is a reason you are being derailed. Be patient and the answers will follow.”

Eventually, I hesitantly gave up on nursing and started a photography business. But ultimately continued to view my shortcomings as a failure. I just couldn’t let go of that piece of me.

By this time nearly eleven months had gone by, and I continued to dabble in photography. It was hard to be patient. I kept going back and forth from, “I should have a hospital position by now. Don’t give up. Keep being persistent” to “No, let go of it. You belong somewhere else right now.” I knew deep down in my bones that there was a beautifully uncharted territory of my life just waiting to be explored. But if I’m being completely honest, the person I was back then wasn’t ready for that endeavor yet.

Then March 2020 hit.

I had my answer.

I don’t recount these events to boast that I finally got my answer. Or that I dodged a bullet. But rather to give hope to those struggling with meaning and answers. Or to those struggling with who you are and who you wish to become.

As a military spouse, these emotions seem to be frequent flyers. Or at least for me, it’s guaranteed to happen every time PCS season come around (aka moving season). But I know that each location, each season of change, will yield blooms in colors I haven’t yet seen.

My time in Hawaii reassured me that my journey on earth is about pursuing passion down every unpaved path life takes me down. It taught me the beauty of simplicity. It taught me the importance of inspiring others and fostering connections. Slowing down and cherishing each fleeting moment as it passes by. Because it will do just that…pass by before you even knew it was there. It taught me to be vulnerable and fearless, and to find peace amidst chaos.

By losing a piece of me that I thought defined my purpose on Earth, I discovered a deeper purpose. And a career that gives me the freedom to navigate that purpose.

Sometimes is takes a good derailing to rediscover who you are and who you want to become. It’s an ever-evolving process of life. And I dig it. Because growth never happens in the face of comfort.

So when people ask, “Did you like it in Hawaii?”
I’d say, I adore the person I grew to become in Hawaii.


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